Its my Life, Can I please live it....My Way?

This is probably going to be a very personal blog, but it’s a thought and I needed to voice it or pen it, you might say. We all have manners, which all have the so called ethics and the so called etiquettes, but can we please choose to dispaly them when we want to

Just some days back, I had a major discussion with a friend of mine actually it was more of a dispute and we didn’t quite talk after that, but I am glad I made my point. We were at this restaurant and were served poppadum’s and I just dipped a piece of it into one of the sauces and my friend freaked out and said “That’s not how you do it, you take a spoon and pour the sauce over your poppadum’s and have it”, and I was like, “Hello I am here to have dinner, and don’t care about what the a set of people whom I might never meet in my life again care about how I look when I am eating. Anyways I eat that stuff, its ultimately landing in my stomach, the same way, at least I had it my way and the way I had it kind of satiates my hunger cause I enjoyed it having my way, cause the whole process of having it your way tires me and I don’t enjoy my dinner when I don’t enjoy having my dinner the way you had it.

Of course we never went ahead with that discussion and I for the sake of friendship now don’t have the poppadum’s any more. But the point here is, how much do we care for the so called manners and etiquettes ultimately. I mean we have a whole set of manners and stuff, but when someone gets on the wrong side or we have some elderly say something to us we lash out with the choicest of pearls, where do the etiquettes and manners go then. Let me not even get started on the public display of etiquettes and manners in some sections of the Indian society.

Do you really care for the etiquettes when you are in the confines of your room, I don’t think so, I am sure you would beat a hippo with the wide size mouth of your to shove in that burger you might be enjoying, and just because you are at a public place, you got to have manners and don’t open you mouth these many inches wide.

I don’t care for these rules, when I go to a restaurant, I am there to have fun and forget the problem’s I had to deal with that day, I want to sit cross-legged on the chair and enjoy my food, and I don’t care two hoots about what the people around me think cause I don’t think I will see them again and if they thin I am funny , that’s good I at least managed to make people laugh, that’s a good deed isn’t it; and if they think I had no manners I don’t think they have any, cause what I do is none of their business and they shouldn’t be looking my way

I have one life, and I want to live eat, sleep the way I want to, and I don’t care about what people have to say about the way I conduct my life. I can understand when you are at a business meeting , you surely cant afford to act like a monkey, but other than that I am sure I am allowed to behave the way I want to and I wish no one tells me what to do.

I don’t care, I know I am looked at but people better not judge me. They don’t deserve to cause, they are not perfect either. I only appreciate god judging me for my deeds, I am sure when I have a discussion with him up there, he is not going to ask me if I was lady like or why I was not cross legged or why I didn’t have my hand on my knees and why I didn’t smear my poppadum’s with sauce and instead choose to dip it into the sauce, I am sure he will ask me if I lived a worthwhile life and contributed to the betterment of the society.

As I said I have one life and I live it the way I want to and I am not going to alter that for a set of strangers I don’t know and who don’t care about me.

I like being free, I like being wild and I like being dirty (in a very decent way) and that how it will be (except when I am with my mom, I will have to write a thousand more bogs for her to get me.)

Can PHAT(fat) girlz ever be pretty, hot and thick??????

I have been working very hard on my weight off late; why you may ask or you may not cause its obvious girls have to be in shape. Girls should be in shape, cause otherwise they don’t make wife material if they exceed a certain weight limit, even if someone is just average and their weight is perfect for their age and height, you are a girl and you are not supposed to be heavy cause you are a overweight and you wont get a groom. I am dizzy with the entire weight loss regime and after a workout my legs quake with pain. But the satisfaction it brings my mom that I have managed to stay within the weight limits is immense.

I remember being teased “fatso” throughout my teens, without anyone sparing a thought that the weight was a result of typhoid (Please note I was not overweight I was just plump, which is quite in terms with human biology cause during adolescent years a human being goes through a lot of biological changes); but no, science has nothing to do with what society thinks. You are just supposed to be thin because potential suitors are looking at you and it very important criteria.

During my teens I had a metabolic rate so funny that I never lost weight for quite some time, But I was a healthy girl with no reason to worry otherwise, cause I never fell ill, never had a bout of fever and never suffered any major illness later, Because I was on a healthy diet, but mind you I was plump and I didn’t have enough time, I was still being judged for my weight remember.

Those years, I used to hate looking at myself in the mirror cause I also had a case of real bad acne which the doctor had assured was because of the hormone changes and it would all pass once I am a bit older, but hello where is the time I am being judged by potential suitors remember.

I wonder if looks, weight and complexion are really the issues important for one to look in a partner. Does a person with a few KGs above the so called “slim” being advertised in the matrimonial columns, the so called complexion and the so called attractive features make for a good partner? Though I don’t only speak for women, I also speak for men (metro sexual ages of men remember?) I am looking at the India society in particular.

Are these enough qualifications for one to be a good wife a good partner? Added features like a good job guarantees you a better groom, though sometimes the groom in question may be something we don’t want even want to talk about.

We hear saying like, don’t judge a book by its cover, looks fade, and all that email forwards that haunt our inbox daily. How much of it are we implementing in real life.
I wonder what about women who can actually do nothing about their weight, height or colour. I guess dowry is a good answer and would compensate the looks department. (Yes it is still prevalent and some people still talk about it with pride as to how they have managed to sell their daughters at a very good rate!!!!!!)

Though there is enough evidence to prove that none of these features have guaranteed a lasting happy marriage, or even a normal marriage, who wants them, we live in a society which is so blinded with the rules (thinking of this as a subject for my next blog)

When today we have an Indian woman who seems to have orbited the space and made a record of sorts (mind you she is no miss universe and the space didn’t throw Williams back because she was not attractive) we have a society that thinks a girl has to be real mind blowing to be in a position to deserve a partner she desires.

My aunty once said about me, “It’s so sad that she is so fat and unattractive, she won’t even have chances with a love marriage. I mean who would fall in love with her”.
She had the guts to say this to my mom and what hurt me the most is not the fact that she said it, what hurt me is that mom agreed with her to some extent.
Though because she is a mother, my mother she never let that statement affect her much, she loved me the same way and fed me the way she did before and loves me with all her life, but I knew that she thought that the statement was true to some extent. What if my daughter remains fat and unattractive all her life?

I don’t know if we have reached a stage when men have been able to stand up and say “Mom, please find me a girl who is lovable, educated and it doesn’t really matter is she is not a miss universe, a pleasing personality will do.”

I have friends who are not married to Angelina Jolie look alike, but I know that their love runs deep and they are very happy and I know that these marriages have existed.

My parents for example, my dad was so thin and he was fair and mom was a bit dusky and quite plump herself (She is the most beautiful woman on this earth, she is a beauty!!!!!!) Their marriage has worked (Touchwood) and I wonder if the fact that my mom was dusky and her weight have ever come in the way of their marriage. Both have done a great job bringing up a rock star like me :-)

So why is it a criteria for me suddenly, because the society demands it and when I mean society, I talk of the mother who are women, and I talk of the men who are sons, who agree with their mother when they say that, they are the best things to happen to woman kind and deserve Menaka’s from Indra’s heaven).

So whom do we blame here? ……I have to start blaming myself first, cause I believe that I need to loose weight to get a good husband and I don’t deserve to be happy cause I am not exactly Aishwarya Rai, I am the one to blame cause I don’t trust myself and I believe the world when they say that my talents and my capabilities don’t count cause I don’t exactly have mind blowing looks and it’s a primary duty for me to be married and settled to some bloke who comes my way cause he is godly enough to accept me.

In this age when ads like fair and lovely get aired without any hitches, I wonder when this society will ever change…. I do know that if we want a change, women have to start believing them selves and trust that they have the same rights as men and have a chance at their career and…. YES IT’S THEIR LIFE AND NO ONE TELLS THEM HOW THEY CONDUCT IT. THEY ARE PRECIOUS CREATIONS OF GOD AND THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHOM THEY WANT TO BE WITH. THEY ALL HAVE A PURPOSE OTHER THAN JUST BEING MARRIED AND CHILD REARING.

I know that the society has changed to quite an extent and we don’t have to be mirror cracking material to get a good job , prove our worth and capabilities. But yes, looks still dominate the bride hunting fraternity and though it’s difficult to say when it will not be criteria at all, I sure hope I live to see that day. Can Phat ever be pretty hot and thick!!!!

Humanity Status!

I write this blog with an absolute feeling of numbness. I just read (note, I couldn’t bring myself to watch this movie after some snapshot recital of this movie by my friend) the story of the movie , the hostel I and hostel II on wikipedia which of course led me to the site of more gruesome details and the stories of movies even more gruesome. I was left with a feeling of numbness (I am a person who is an absolute believer of Karma and believe that if I kill an ant I would receive the same treatment in my next birth) and to read what I read made me realise as to what state has humanity finally reached.

At a time when I am finally boasting as to how we have fought gravity and reached the moon, I keep wondering if humanity has finally slumped to these degraded levels. This movie talk about cheap thrills and the thrill human being receive, in this case the thrill the rich clients receive out of mere torture and killing of innocent victims and the existence of an agency that lures innocent victims into this place where rich clients pay the agents to torture and kill people.

What bugs me further is; how does the movie making fraternity arrive at this kind of a concept and I am wondering if this kind of a society does exist to influence these movies.

I know that we have reached a stage in life where news like a mother killing and castrating their month old children, knifing (very prevalent in London) …..seems like ordinary news to us …but this whole concept of cheap thrills worries me and I am wondering when the supreme made this world, did he imagine it reach this stage ever.

What worries me further is the very fact that, we have known of cases where in we have had life imitate art and if this whole concept of this cheap thrill agency is fictional, will it really come into being cause the idea is already there.
Will rich human being actually vent their frustration out through blood shed?
Is there no fear!!!!

Of course please let me also talk about this movie called TURISTAS, which talk about innocent tourist in brazil being kidnapped and their organs being sold, no prize for guessing that not only their organs disappear here ..But they too disappear from the face of the earth.

Why I write this blog is that it worries me that these movies actually have a fan base and I am scared to know the real percentage, but the very fact that these movies are made and some of them get critically acclaimed, I am beginning to fear of what my future generation has to see and deal with.

I agree sometimes when someone has done me wrong, I do actually wish that all the wrong and the mean things happen to him/.her ….but I have certainly not reached that level where I have even for a moment imagine killing that person ( yeah a punch or two does gets delivered in my imagination, but that’s it)

How cheap has human life become…..don’t these murderers and rapists and (I refer to those dowry hungry rascals as well) have any value for the human life ….for a moment of happiness, for a few extra pounds and (please let me not even get started on what is the lowest amount of money that people have been killed for) they are ready to kill people.

Is there no fear anymore? Even if one does not believe in god …isn’t there a value one can associate with life. What makes one think that they have enough rights to take someone else’s life, and that they have enough money to have those kind of rights.

One may argue by saying that this movie can be an outlet to ones frustration, but can’t these movies at one point be an influence as well.

When I was growing up I was told to not to just respect my elders but the whole humanity as such. Aren’t parents these days doing their job? Why do we have so many frustrated people? Why should we have to deal with cheap thrills?

When there is poverty, one can reason the killing for money …but when one has all the money how can one reason one brother killing another for an entire share of property. How much is enough? Ultimately this boils to the most dangerous Vice – Greed.

But can someone please explain the concept of cheap thrill to me. I don’t get it and I don’t hope I don’t get it, because if it has even a slightest resemblance to the movie, I wish a huge meteoroid hits this earth.

Come to think of it, I feel that my conclusion about human greed for power answers it all. Everyone in this world wants to be powerful. The greed for power, to treat humans as mere mortals and at your mercy answers it all. I like that feeling to have been in command of a team (and I was just a leader for my team in college, but yes I like that feeling)

This greed to control…to feel powerful, be it a country, a society, a caste system, individuals …everyone lusts for power. Explains this cheap thrill agency...the mere power one feels to control another human life and make them beg and then kill them and feel powerful.

But tell me. How powerful do you get? Ultimately one kills for money, he enjoys his lifetime with his riches and then he dies leaving everything he killed for down on this very earth…

People who know of the Czar 52 crash, all atribute the reason of the crash to the personality disorder of the pilot Holland, a personality disorder which involves putting your co pilots life at risk to get the thrill of facing a near death situation. . But does personality disorder really make you a devil of a human being.

How powerful does one want to be, is it right to kill. Is it right to cheat. Is it worth loosing your friends and your loved one?

Is power that important? If given a chance would you kill to feel that power?