A question was posed to me yesterday, “How many kids?”, I said "None" then came the next question, "So recently married, huh?", I said “No” and then came the look that I guess meant confusion, pity or “What’s she doing with her life”.
Two days ago, there was another question, "So how long have you been married" and I said 6 ..."So how my many kids", I said "None" and I got the same look.
Same question, framed different.
“Married – Yes - How many kids? – None - Huh!”
“Kids – No – How long have you been married? – “>=3” – Huh!”
It doesn't stop here. In an interview a couple of months ago, I was asked, “So how many kids?”; I said “None”, and then came the sagely advice, "Don't you think this is a right time to have one, It’s too late, No?" I replied, “My husband and I certainly don't think so”. Of course I received the offer letter but I just can’t bring myself to work with someone who thinks he has a better plan of motherhood and it's timings of the same than me. I wasn’t prepared for how he would have guided me in my career cause that’s what he should have been concerned about.
Around 5 years ago, same question, same answer, reaction “That’s a bold move”. There was always an opinion.
Kudos to the ladies who manage both! You are really something. But does not having kids diminish my self worth. No matter how many women empowerment videos we watch and how much of the same we forward, we will never get over the fact that women will always be expected to perform certain roles that the society has designated for us.
I will always be the looser who didn't get her timing right!
However these questions don't bug me anymore (because now there have been so many that I am pretty much thick skinned). Not having a kid is my choice but what about the women who choose to and are trying hard to be mothers and can't be one due to some issues; financial issues, health issues etc. These questions to me are just questions that I can brush of, but to some they can be plain insensitive. Actually they are insensitive to me too. (You don’t know my situation, but you see, thick skinned :-)
Can we be less judgmental? When we ask a lady if she has kids and she says No, press the stop button and move on. Keep your advice like biological clock, right timing etc. to yourself and gulp it down with a chill pill.
P.S. Both genders involved in asking these questions.
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