"Incomplete, unsuccessful or unhappy" without motherhood. Not Really!

A question was posed to me yesterday, “How many kids?”, I said "None" then came the next question, "So recently married, huh?", I said “No” and then came the look that I guess meant confusion, pity or “What’s she doing with her life”.

Two days ago, there was another question, "So how long have you been married" and I said 6 ..."So how my many kids", I said "None" and I got the same look.

Same question, framed different.      

“Married – Yes - How many kids? – None - Huh!”

                             “Kids – No – How long have you been married? – “>=3” – Huh!”

It doesn't stop here. In an interview a couple of months ago, I was asked, “So how many kids?”; I said “None”, and then came the sagely advice, "Don't you think this is a right time to have one, It’s too late, No?" I replied, “My husband and I certainly don't think so”. Of course I received the offer letter but I just can’t bring myself to work with someone who thinks he has a better plan of motherhood and it's timings of the same than me. I wasn’t prepared for how he would have guided me in my career cause that’s what he should have been concerned about.

Around 5 years ago, same question, same answer, reaction “That’s a bold move”. There was always an opinion.

Kudos to the ladies who manage both! You are really something. But does not having kids diminish my self worth. No matter how many women empowerment videos we watch and how much of the same we forward, we will never get over the fact that women will always be expected to perform certain roles that the society has designated for us.

I will always be the looser who didn't get her timing right!

However these questions don't bug me anymore (because now there have been so many that I am pretty much thick skinned). Not having a kid is my choice but what about the women who choose to and are trying hard to be mothers and can't be one due to some issues; financial issues, health issues etc. These questions to me are just questions that I can brush of, but to some they can be plain insensitive. Actually they are insensitive to me too. (You don’t know my situation, but you see, thick skinned :-)

Can we be less judgmental? When we ask a lady if she has kids and she says No, press the stop button and move on. Keep your advice like biological clock, right timing etc. to yourself and gulp it down with a chill pill. 

P.S. Both genders involved in asking these questions.

I am a dragon breathing fire! Beautiful Mane, I am the lion.

I ran away from home once. I was 10 years old. I carried with me, my school books and my school uniform and wore my birthday dress cause it was my favorite ( yeah, school was always important to me. I thought the nuns of my convent school would adopt me I guess). Walked 1 km away from home, realized my bag was heavy, that I miss mom already and it was not worth the trashing if they did trace me (which I knew my mom was capable of) and returned. Till date that remains the only brave things I did………. 

        .............................Now wait a minute that’s not it.

I am a brave girl and I have many more to add to my list of brave things …

1)      I left home to pursue my education abroad.

2)      I walked out of a bad relationship and rebuilt my life.

3)      I left my well set career in Mumbai to explore a new one in Bengaluru and failed (because I had a

       d*** for a boss and  a D** for a colleague) and then succeeded again.

4)      I hit a guy in train because he messed with my best friend, with no worry of how it would back 

fire.

5)      I questioned my professor when he wouldn’t let me submit my assignment because I was a few hours late and got him to accept it without saying a sorry

6)      I questioned my parents over their choice of spouse for me and didn’t settle.

7)      I married the love of my life and my best friend despite the odds.

8)  Went to the police station and filed an NOC for my friend who was being harassed by a stalker. 

And many more.

Every woman has a heart of a warrior in her and she can accomplish so much with knowing exactly how brave she is. If only every girl knew that.

To quote Guru Beyonce  :-)  I am a dragon breathing fire! Beautiful Mane, I am the lion. 

Back on my feet

It’s been ages since I have not written. Well the thoughts were there but strangely the idea left my brain the moment they came in. Thoughts like would that be a stupid topic to discuss and wouldn’t people think I am stupid, would people think I am trying to be a smart ass…wouldn’t people think..

I hardly have any views on this blog spot, but the fear of people reading and judging me was so strong that I have almost lost the enthusiasm to mention anything once I picked the laptop to write.

How did this happen, when did I become the person who cared so much….

I know that the last one year has not been easy, mostly my fault..going through depression,  people believing that its’ just an act,  met some real pricks who claimed to be my friends, my mind has not stood still..but the most basic harm ..I have not been myself .  I cared too much about what some looser ass without half(make that a quarter) of  my credentials thinks about me. Yeah I said cared …past tense..because post this blog…there are new ones coming…ones I will write without giving a sh** about which douche bags feelings are getting hurt here…or what that douche bag thinks … I don’t care for judgment anymore.

Boy….I am really angry, aint I… I thought douchebag was a single word. J

I am a south Indian - I am not a Madrasi and I dont have an Accent

I don’t get Sardarji jokes. No I get the joke ...what i don’t get is the fact that we think because a Sardarji is involved it’s supposed to be funny.

Well in what part of your conversation with a Surd (as people call it..Not me...) does he come across as stupid or foolish.

Well I have spoken to many people from the community and trust me all of them have come across as gentle, warm, down to earth and extremely intelligent people.

It’s in good humour one may say...I say, No it’s not funny when you categorise Sardarjis as being stupid.

Gujrathis take pride in being astute businessmen but its they miserly attitude that one makes fun of, South Indians are being made fun of for their accents ( I am one and I have none) and the colour of their skin..( I once heard a relative who looked at a gentleman of African  descent and said he might be a south Indian...needless to say I haven’t spoken to that dimwit ever again)

You want to make a joke,...just call them by their names...cause sometimes it’s just taking it too far. I am all for a good joke..I am just not into making fun of some misguided notions about  behavioral patterns of some communities, cause we have  Indians belonging to different communities who have proven to be major stalwarts.  

I rest my case...

Happy New year to me!!!

No i don’t like this year. The worst i could have. When people were wishing me a Happy New Year I hope that this is not what they had in mind.

 Ok to begin with my husband shifted to Bangalore temporarily for work.(I haven’t lived a day without my husband, seriously not a single day)

I lost weight, no reason to smile though cause I lost it the wrong way ..I fell sick.

I was having the worst time at work...I screwed up a lot of times....

Wait a minute .....

It wasn’t that bad ...

My husband and I realized we can’t live without each other and say I love you more often than before..

My boss’s put up with my idiosyncrasies and forgave me with a lesson and gave me another chance..Again and again and I also managed to get some work done.

I lost weight...doesn’t matter how I lost it...I did and the complements came through.

So you know what, it wasn’t bad ...I did have a pleasant year.

I always complain and realize later that I have blessings to count.

Yeah there are some challenges but then who doesn’t,it wouldn’t be called life then..and it will sort out like the rest of my problems.

Happy new year to me !!!!!!!

Dad....Our Hero.

Malala's story is an inspiring one; I respect her and wished that she win the Nobel last year. However while reading her article I stumbled upon a piece that mentioned her father. The man who said “We wouldn't leave our country if my daughter survives or not. We have an ideology that advocates peace. The Taliban cannot stop all independent voices through the force of bullets." I am sure Malala didn't not find courage by herself. She found it because of her father an equally principled man, gave her courage and supported her endeavor. A man who on hearing gunshots said “Don't be scared – this is firing for peace".

So this one I write not for Malala but for her dad, who I believe was her inspiration. A man who was equally at a risk as his daughter and has been by her side through it all.

This one is for all the fathers in the world who have stood by their daughters through thick and thin and forever remain an inspiration not through their words but through their deeds.

My father is a man of few words, but just observing him, has helped me in so many ways. He has never bunked work, never faked an illness, has always been honest and has always been on time and has always maintained that time is money and has to be respected. I don’t think I ever caught him lie. My father till date remains my idol and my hero. Today because of him I am always on time, I can’t lie easily and can’t bring myself to bunk work. Thank you dad.

We hardly give credit to our dads, because we have no idea how we are influenced by them daily and how much they do for us in their own little ways. Every day we come across inspiring stories of fathers inspiring their daughters, stories like Autorickshaw driver's daughter tops CA examination which get highlighted, some which don’t. The fact remains that our dads are and will remain our true heroes. 

I  am extremely religious, at least I was around Janamashtami 2013, and then one day, I moved on to being more spiritual. I mean I still believe in god but now I believe that Karma is what I need to worry about and not how many temples I visit, how much I fast and if I clinch a visit to Lal Baug ka Raja.
You see I am done with that. I am tired of begging and asking god for things I am not even sure I want because I am sure I want those things for all the wrong reason. Reasons I know will not fulfil me as a person but will surely please people around me. I am tired of being a fatalistic person, and tired of blaming God and circumstances and the stars for my failures and inability to achieve what I want.
Truth is that I know that no matter how much I pray, god has just about decided that I will get what I deserve and that Karma will decide where I am. If I want something I have to get of my behind and work towards it...I would like to believe that god is going to be okay with that and let me know through his continued blessings that I need not worry about standing in a 2 days long line to see him.
I promise to be a good human being and care for my family and try to give back to society but that’s that.
My Prayer..Dear God who rests in my heart, thank you for letting me live for another day and for the wonderful life I live. Give me the strength to face any challenges that come my way with courage. Keep me sane safe and let me be a good human being with good morals.